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Mary wrote a review for imdb of the Bratz Movie.

Posted by on July 9, 2008

3/10 starz


First of all, this movie is definitely better than “The Hottie and the Nottie”. No contest. Second, I have to say that, based on what the dollz wear, (especially Bratz Babyz TM), I was really expecting way more implications of jailbait. For the most part it was very sexually clean, even having the Hot Guyz kiss the girlz on the cheek at the end (instead of the mouth). Considering the age of the target audience, I thought this entirely appropriate, and actually wonder if the writers of the movie have ever looked at the dollz.
That being said, I would like to point out that the FIRST scene shows all 4 Bratz waking up and then turning on their webcams so they can broadcast themselvez getting dressed for their first day of high school. WTF???
At the end of the movie the Bratz are approached by a big-time Hollywood movie producer who tells them he just finished making a movie and is about to premiere it, and would they like to perform (singing) on the red carpet at the premiere? Well, of course they agree, perhaps not realizing that the red carpet is not the event itself, but just the entrance, so they’re not actually performing at the event, or even getting in. The crazy twist is, the movie producer is played by none other than THE ACTUAL MOVIE DIRECTOR from The Bratz Movie. Since this is the end, it can be concluded that he has just finished making The Bratz Movie (I don’t think this guy has any side projects, somehow), and is inviting them to sing outside of their own movie–maybe to try to advertise and get more people to come in to the premiere?
What they don’t spell out for you, but is certainly implied, is that 3 of the Bratz have superpowers. That’s why they don’t want to hang out with Yasmin: all that “friends forever” stuff evaporates in the face of one or two extracurricular activities. They even managed to secure 4 adjacent parking spaces and still stalwartly ignore Yasmin for 2 years, during which time she did not make one friend. I don’t even know how she ended up with all these Supers, except that maybe she helped them hook up their webcams. That’s probably it.
Superpowers the Bratz have:
JADE- can morph any sort of clothing matter into any other sort of clothing matter, can “burn water” (intriguing–she makes only one passing reference to this talent, but it leads one to wonder if perhaps her transmogrification powers are related to an ability to generate microwaves), and can perform haphazard, explosive alchemy. The reason she dresses like a total square is that her parents hate mutants, and would certainly turn her in if they knew about the curious abilities she refers to as a “Passion for Fashion.” Although it may have been a group effort, I suspect Jade was behind the amazing mastery of the art of catering within probably 45 minutes.
CHLOE- Appears to be a total klutz because she has superhuman speed and strength. I feel that this is pretty self-explanatory. That’s why she does so well when she is able to concentrate her actions on soccer. She probably eats like a horse and breaks stuff all the time, which would explain both why her mom is a caterer (because she has to cook so much anyway), and why they are Poor, because Chloe eats them out of house and home and destroys house and home too. Chloe is probably not behind the Catering Miracle because if she had that kind of ability, wouldn’t she have used it before for good and not evil (Meredith’s 2nd Sweet 16)?
SASHA- Not real sure here, but it seems like dancing and charisma are Sasha’s superpowers. When she uses her powers to gain a spot on the Cheerleading Squad (said spots being granted by the Captain of the Squad, because all school activities in the Bratziverse are completely student-run, with no coaches), her body glows a pulsating white with the Power of the Dance, leading some naysayers to claim that African-American Sasha had a Caucasian stunt double. DUH, it’s her POWER!
MEREDITH- Obviously has the power of Mind Control and hypnotism. Until the Bratz showed up at her school, she was the only one she knew of with powers, and she was using them to run the school, actually rather benevolently. She saw herself as a sort of caretaker for these poor stereotypical lemmings begging to be herded into groups based on their clothing, dispensing advise, orders, and tissues, allowing the learning machine to run smoothly without coaches. This is actually why there are so many student-led activities–Meredith extends her consciousness to run these. It’s not easy to mentally bend a microcosm to your will, so she remains grounded by storing a piece of her soul in her ratlike familiar, Paris. So it’s only logical that when Meredith sees not one but 3 superbeings enter her domain, she is visibly unsettled, especially when she sees that her powers have no effect on them, and yes, they do intend to unseat her, to the detriment of all.
YASMIN- Well, obviously she has no powers at all, to the extent that she can’t tell that her boyfriend, the Deaf DJ, is faking being deaf.

I got the distinct impression that the script was written by several 11-year-old girls about what they imagine high school will be like, based on multiple viewings of “Legally Blonde” and “Clueless”. Except that I don’t think 11-year-old girls actually watch those movies anymore, so I really don’t know how this got written. But I realized the plotline and character development were identical to the kind of thing I used to come up with when playing with Barbies, what with one-dimensional characters and stunning dance routines and a major focus on outfits. And OH MY GOSH BRATZ ARE LIKE BARBIES AND THE MOVIE IS JUST LIKE WATCHING LITTLE GIRLS PLAY WITH DOLLS IT’S SO BRILLIANT!!!!! Whew.

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