So, my friend and co-worker Chrissy is afraid of ghosts. And sharks. This weekend I mentioned this to Robert and he got a great idea and called her, anonymizing his call. His whole end of the conversation was basically “Hello? This is the ShaAaAaAark GhoOoOoOost.” End call.
This set off a surprisingly epic typhoon of brainstorming and interneting. We created some google accounts and sent her text messages as well as facebooking, etc.
8:01 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: OoOoOoOoO…..I think you left your money at the beach….You better come back and get it. Nothing to be afraid of, my sinister name belies my gentle nature. Also, protect your skin; put on some teriyaki sunscreen before you leave home.
8:02 PM Chrissy: Who are you
8:03 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: The SHAAARK GHOOOST!!!
8:07 PM zaxecivobuny@gmail.com: Hey Chrissy, this is josh. You haven’t been contacted by any shark ghosts lately, have you?
8:08 PM I got a cryptic message from one who said he wanted to start haunting your swims.
8:08 PM Chrissy: OH MY GOD is that u Josh
8:09 PM zaxecivobuny@gmail.com: yes, this is josh. have you heard from the shark ghost?
8:10 PM Chrissy: LOL, I did !!!! I am so scared; I think that the shark ghost stole all of my $$$$ and spent it at taco bell.
8:11 PM zaxecivobuny@gmail.com: hold on, someone’s at the door. brb
8:12 PM Chrissy: I hope that its not the SHARK GHOST !!!!
8:12 PM Eric: Ahh! Somebody just sent me a photo of josh being eaten by a translucent shark! I don’t know who it was, but the accompanying message said I should warn you not to answer your door…
8:13 PM Chrissy: Ohmigosh! I hope that the shark ghost doesn’t get you too !!!! BE CAREFUL
8:14 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: i just had a dinner date w/ a friend of yours. . . it’s a shame you missed it!
8:15 PM Chrissy: Was he for dinner ?????
8:15 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: let’s just say this. OM NOM NOM NOM
8:16 PM Chrissy: AHHHHHH stay away from my house. How can u survive in STL ? Its so far from the ocean !!!!
8:27 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: http://www.seagrantfish.lsu.edu/resources/factsheets/bullshark.htm
8:28 PM “Not only do bull sharks prefer low-salinity waters, they can in fact, thrive in completely fresh water. They have been found as far up the Mississippi River as St. Louis, Missouri.”
8:31 PM Chrissy: OMG !!! That’s terrifying ! They thrive in completely fresh water.
8:36 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: Eons ago, I was trapped, but now my ghost roams free…
8:41 PM Chrissy: AHHHHHHH Its the scariest combination !!! Ghosts and sharks… Vs. Shark Ghosts ?!!?!
8:34 PM Eric D. Dixon (on Chrissy’s Facebook wall): I don’t know how or why, but these fossils somehow look familiar… http://www.usgennet.org/usa/mo/county/stlouis/stlouissharks.htm
1:51 PM (NEXT DAY) Chrissy: that’s TERRIFYING !
8:45 PM theghostofjoshsmith@gmail.com: Welp, Some lessons need to be learned the hard way I suppose…
8:47 PM Chrissy: R.I.P. Josh. You shouldn’t have opened that door….. :(
8:48 PM theghostofjoshsmith@gmail.com: Lol, tell me about it…I’m justb glad it was over fast.
8:50 PM Chrissy: At least its 2010, so you get to avoid the death tax. That shark has good timing.
8:50 PM thesharkghost@gmail.com: I also have a SCABA suit. (Self Contained Abovewater Breathing Apparatus)
8:58 PM Chrissy: I have a robotic shark-proof exo-suit.
9:37 PM josh.the.wereshark@gmail.com: I’m so glad that I’m finally rid of my puny mortal spirit… What a douche! Now the supernatural strength of my wereshark jaws can penetrate any robotic shark-proof exo-suit!
NEXT DAY:
4:35 PM Chrissy: Tyler Cowen just replied to my tweet
4:35 PM Chrissy: he is coming in February
4:54 PM Eric: That’s what she said!
4:54 PM Chrissy: LOL, what ?
4:55 PM Eric: The shark ghost made me type that
4:55 PM Chrissy: we should get tyler cowen to do a speech
4:55 PM Chrissy: the shark ghost can’t come though
4:55 PM Eric: I agree
4:55 PM Chrissy: what if it ate him; that would be detrimental to the subject
4:56 PM Eric: But not about the shark ghost… I wouldn’t eant to anger him further with such a snub
4:56 PM Eric: *want
4:56 PM Chrissy: but Rebecca could have a lot of explaining to do for donors
4:56 PM Chrissy: if the shark ghost ATE the speaker
4:57 PM Eric: If anyone objects, josh the wereshark can take care of them
4:57 PM Chrissy: is josh a wereshark now ?
4:57 PM Chrissy: i thought that he was dead
4:57 PM Chrissy: eaten, more specifically
4:58 PM Eric: You never read your text message from josh.the.wereshark@gmail.com?
4:59 PM Eric: I hear he’s glad to be rid of his puny mortal spirit
4:59 PM Chrissy: i’d imagine that would be liberating
4:59 PM Chrissy: no! i didn’t recieve that one
5:00 PM Eric: He’s been claiming that the supernatural strength of his wereshark jaws can penetrate any robotic shark-proof exo-suit
5:03 PM Chrissy: do weresharks hunt sharks or humans ?
5:03 PM Chrissy: i am not very knowledgeable about this
5:04 PM Eric: It’s a good question… you may have an opportunity to ask in person soon… just be sure you have running shoes on
Btw, when Robert got the idea to say “I think you left your money at the beach, neither he nor we knew that Chrissy had recently found fraudulent charges on her credit card, including money spent at Taco Bell, so Chrissy’s seeming non-sequitor was more of a sequitor.