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Best. Show. Ever.

Posted by on November 2, 2005

I had the greatest 30 minutes of my life tonight.
Tonight, Caleb, Robert, Flux and I went to see a band play at the Hi-Pointe. I bought my ticket on Sunday, and I couldn’t wait. The band was called “We All Become Statistics” and the lineup was Kevin Bopp on drums, Nick Cantrell on vocals, and Some Guy on Bass. On Sunday, they were still looking for a guitarist.
Tuesday arrived, and Caleb informed me a few hours before the show that his brother had joined the band as their guitar player. I asked how long he had been in the band and Caleb said “since this afternoon.” Shelli showed up, and a little while later Flux called. When I told him our plans for the evening, he told me “I will drive as fast as I can to get there.”

With hopes high, the four of us embarked in Flux’s truck to the show.
We arrived, showed IDs, surrendered tickets and climbed the Hi-Pointe stairs to see the band still setting up. We milled around for a while, secure in the knowledge that we wouldn’t have to wait through any other bands, as WABS was the opening act. Eventually the performers took to the stage(minus a bassist, as some piece of equipment was lacking, or something) and began the show proper.

And what a show. First comes Bopp hammering out a thrash/mosh-friendly rhythm on the drums. Next comes Caleb’s brother Adam(who Cantrell announced before the show had “been in the band four hours”) with a driving guitar riff to match the pounding beat. The energy was effusive and contagious. Finally comes Cantrell, visibly moved by the music already produced by his fellow band members, and he begins to shout all the pain and emotion in the world through his microphone wire. Words broke from syllables and blended together, such was the volume and intensity of Cantrell’s crooning. Bopp’s drum beats pushed the energy and urgency of the music out into the audience, and the guitar work was ideal.
Before every song, Cantrell announced to the audience the title of the song they were about to play. These unassuming declarations were my favorite parts of the show, for sure. Song titles included “Dark Arts Potion Master”, “Elise is a Stupid Fucking Whore”, and “Cod Sandwich” which was openly admitted to be an inside joke related to Special K. I couldn’t stop smiling the entire show.
Right before the last song, the band extended an invitation to anyone in the crowd who wanted to come onstage. How could I resist? Once onstage, Nick introduced me to the audience, and I spent the better part of the song “dancing” around onstage like a buffoon, having the child-like time of my life.
After the show I expressed my appreciation to all three band members for a transcendent show.

Now, I know the band’s name is not so great; that was my first complaint to Bopp. I have realized since then that it doesn’t matter what you call it, as long as you have a name for “Greatest Time of Your Life.” These guys are not gonna change the face of music, but if you go and see their show, you’ll have a blast. I promise. Besides, to quote Bopp: “I can’t be hit with another felony for racist slander.” No wait, that’s not the pertinent quote. Bopp had this to say when asked how it feels to be in the greatest band of all time: “the best feeling of all is knowing that everyone who doesn’t go to our shows is a total pussy.”

Besides, the show is a hell of an experience when you know all the band members. It’s like the coolest kind of party. When you know the band, you are on the inside. And this band is definitely the Official Ogre’s Cards Band. So, you should love We All Become Statistics. They will love you back and put on a great show.

That’s what I wrote for the people who visit I want to get the word out about this band because I think they are more fun than a specially designed fun-making machine set to Maximum Fun. I actually couldn’t stop grinning the whole show. I couldn’t say this in my review, because I didn’t want to be even vaguely uncomplimentary, but Cantrell’s screaming was actually incoherent. Ever heard the band Anal Cunt? Well these guys are along the same vein. I think screamy music is moving at best and hilarious at worst- how could I not love these guys? I actually dig all three members of the band as people, and when you combine them on stage, it’s a recipe for delight. Bopp has told me that he decided I will get into all of their future shows for free as I am obviously their #1 fan. This is so true. I yelled out after the first song “YOU GUYS ROCK!” and I meant it. Best time of my life. Mean it. Never been more entertained. Not by anything or anyone, ever. I wish I could see them play every night.

Also, my spasming onstage was for sure priceless. Bopp has stated that I was “picking up change” and “two-stepping.” I don’t know what that means, but he says that I bring the rock, for sure. That’s good. Sarah, you are coming to the next show so you can watch me make an ass out of myself on stage dancing around to the “music” of some high school kid friends of mine. Damn, what a sweet time.

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